my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
