He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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