my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
