I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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