I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
