Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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