Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
