somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
