Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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