I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
