I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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