i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i need some magic done to my vagina
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
