What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
