A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
