Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
