I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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