so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
