Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
