Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
