Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
