just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
