How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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