Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
