There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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