True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Everclear isn't food dammit
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
