I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
