onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
