is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
wow bdsm is so cute
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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