So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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