it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
