If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
