Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
