If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
