I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
