Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
