I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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