My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
