I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
