JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
