speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
