dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
