omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
