Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
