He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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