yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
