What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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