I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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