I think I won the penis lottery.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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