My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
