Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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