Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
