I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
