I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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