I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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